Hi Everyone,

It seems that very often when I am speaking to either teenagers or to their parents, one of the most common issues that comes up is parent/teen conflict. Why is this so common? There are probably many reasons and some of the most likely are: as a teenager, you are still growing, you can look almost like an adult and at times you may even be mistaken for being one, however, your hormones (which do affect mood) are in a state of flux, leading to mood swings, while at the same time, your parents are perhaps both working outside of the home, and may be facing difficult issues of their own. The solutions? Good communication, patience, and even a sense of humour , to name but a few.

With this in mind, i have developed a seminar that will be presented at the Okotoks Public Library Monday September 24. If you and/or your parents are interested, all of the details are under the EVENTS tab. Parent/teen conflict will also be covered in greater detail in my book, TEENS OF DIVORCE which I plan to have published, or at least publication-ready before the seminar. If you have any suggestions or feedback on this topic, I would greatly welcome any and all feedback at tanya@teensofdivorce.com

Thank you and I look forward to your comments.

God Bless,

Tanya Hansen

Hi everyone,

I wanted to let everyone know that the Dear Tanya advice column is now up and running. It is under the header Pages drop down to Dear Tanya – questions will be answered within 48 hours of posting. Please feel free to use a pseudonym (fake name) if you prefer to remain anonymous. When you post, your email is required but this will not be made public or displayed. If there is enough interest, I will be starting a weekly live-chat for one hour per week where I will be “live” on-line to answer questions and moderate discussions.

Please let me know what you would like to see.

God bless,

Tanya

Dear friends,

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have recently re-certified/re-licensed as a counsellor and have opened a part-time counselling practice in Okotoks, AB. I will mainly see clients in person at the Chamber of Commerce building 14 McRae Street, but I am also available for telephone counselling as well. I will soon be able to “see clients” via a secure live link ( like Skype but better quality, used by counsellors and psychologists). I am very excited about this new endeavour and would appreciate your prayers and would be honored by any referrals you may send.

The link to my counselling website is www.tanyahansencounselling.com
And there is a link on the right sidebar of this site as well.

I will be announcing my practice via a table at the Okotoks Trade and Lifestyle show at the Okotoks Recreation Centre on April 20 and 21. If you stop by the table and mention Teens of Divorce, I will have a special gift for you.

I will be speaking at the Okotoks Public Library on Monday April 16 7:00-8:15 PM. Please see events section of this website for more details.

God bless,

Tanya Hansen

Hi Everyone,

When going through something stressful, such as the separation or divorce of your parents, it is easy to get distracted by everyone else and what they are doing or not doing. It is important to realize that the only person that you can change is YOURSELF. Many popular reality shows aimed at teens often focus on blaming others with the popular catchphrase “at least I am not as bad as ____”. This type of thinking leads to arguments and blame.

You cannot always have much or sometimes any impact on the behaviour of others by blaming them and arguing with them. However, you can control how you respond (or don’t respond) to them. You can choose peace and to perhaps even lead by example by not joining into blame sessions.

The lesson I learned from being a part of a family where BLAME and ANGER were key issues was to not get involved in it and distance myself from it. I found I was a lot less bitter as a result. DOn’t expect not to get some flak for this as other people in your family may be astonished when you don’t want to join into blame sessions any longer, if this is what you have been doing. I wish you all the best as you aspire to make positive changes in your life.

God bless,

Tanya

Dear friends,

Normally Christmas and the Christmas season brings about feelings of joy, anticipation, a more relaxed attitude as we have time off with family and friends. Unfortunately, right about now, most of you have Christmas concerts, recitals, tournaments etc and now this year, you may be facing the reality that your parents may not even want to be in the same building, never mind the same room or the same table.

This can feel like a lot of pressure as you probably don’t want to have to choose between your parents for events that are important, and really, this is not a choice that anyone should have to make.

Lots of people will offer you different advice: invite neither of them, alternate who you invite if you have more than one event, invite both of them and see what happens and _________ fill in the blank with the varying advice you may receive.

The important thing to realize is that there really is no “right” answer to these problems. Obviously the best case would be that you could invite both of your parents to everything and they could both come (preferably alone or with a family member) and put aside their differences for your sake, for a short period of time. Unfortunately, your parents are not perfect, and this is not always possible, but YOU CAN  make your wishes known and then leave it in their hands. In my opinion, this takes any pressure off of you and puts the pressure on them to step up and do what is best for you. This is not selfish on your part to want both of them there, but it should be up to them to make it work, not to add stress to you on an important day in your life.

My parents split up just before Christmas. This was 25 years ago for me and I do wish I had spoken up more about what I needed instead of being put into the adult role of worrying so much about them.

I hope this helps. I will add another post next time about extended family and the Christmas season.

Merry Christmas and God bless you!

Tanya